Pregnant stripper...not hot.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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