Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
