I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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