My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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