I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
