I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
