Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
