she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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