I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
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My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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