I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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