when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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