wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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