he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!