lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
