I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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