It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
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People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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