i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
