I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
