Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
