i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
