a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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