I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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