Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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