And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
