just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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