More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
