Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
