yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Let's get the cat blown out
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
