and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
