He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize
