Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
