he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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