im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Someone shit on the floor
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
What drink are we having for lunch?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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