He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
