Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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