1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
