went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
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And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
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Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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