We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
