now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
