Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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