Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
