Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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