He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
