There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
