ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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