Who did Billy Mays play for?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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