Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
