Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
