just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
