I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
