I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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