So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
