we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
she looked like the before picture.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
