He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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