This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
