and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
