i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
