Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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