so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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