I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
i think my cat just said my name.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
