she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
