fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
