Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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