hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
