Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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