do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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