A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
They should really pass out barf bags in church
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
