I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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