shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
